After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
