and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize