He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
