I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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