plz talk dirty to me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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