if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
