Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk is not a location!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
