Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
