Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
