I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My pussy is not your playground.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
