woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
