He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize