did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
