oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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