I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
