I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
