I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
