Non-Jews are for practice
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
