You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
