dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
