And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
