We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
