Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize