I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
