ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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