i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
