Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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