uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize