why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
