You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
