im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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