You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude. I can hear the air.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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