Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
