***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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