Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
