It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize