he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
