she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
