I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
