Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
