Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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