it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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