its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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