He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Randomize
