We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We got so high we made milksteak
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
