I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
