there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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