So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
