I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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