Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
