The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
