Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
