My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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