I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize