This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
