Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
