I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
