just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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