Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
