We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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