I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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