there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
