Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
