let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
