Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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