Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
