Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
