hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The air was thick with penises
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
