I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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