I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
