I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
