I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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