On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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