my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
