You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
