I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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