Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
