His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
