i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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