I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
