Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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