things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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