you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Randomize
