I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think a kid would responsible me up
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
