does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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