I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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